My heart has been stolen
By those whose story goes
“I was last in good health
The day before time froze”
Some un-nameable toxin,
Virus, or germ like thing,
Slipped in unannounced,
And slowly pulled a chain
That caused a chain reaction
Of events that cannot be named.

Blurred vision, sore throats,
Ice pick headaches, rusted joints
Air hunger, racing heart
Stopped digestion, bloated stomach
Bladder twinges, no sex drive
Hollow feeling, not myself
Muscle pains that excruciate,
Just as specialist is about to name it,
Vanishes. Reborn another place.

My heart reaches out
To those brave ones
Searching for truth
Behind their mystery illness.
Cleaning up their diets
Eating their greens and olive oil
Taking every recommended supplement,
Until they can’t.
Exercising, until they can’t
Taking pill after pill for sleep, for hormones, for infection,
Until they can’t.
Cleaning or building a clean home
Until they can’t.

Having spent every
Human and monetary resource,
They retire to their chair or bed
And try to find some comfort
But even breathwork is too much work
For these shallow breathers who
Feel a need to pay attention to breath.
A day may come
When they feel normal
And may play with their loved ones
For some small amount of time.
Until the fatigue comes creeping back.

Now they settle in for long days
And longer nights.
Still, this is their life.
In which the sun rises.
Curiosity evokes interest,
Triggering a sense of wonder,
And appreciation for what
Kindness comes their way.
There is life inside this
Labyrinth called CFS/ME
Life that is here now
In this breath and that.

My prayer goes out to those
Who struggle with each breath
Know we are here
Using every tool available
Looking under every scientific domain
With microscopes, stethoscopes, and computers
Looking into atoms, cells, and body systems
Into energy, medicines, and intent
Contemplating the complex
Layers that affect the “total load”
That affects your life.
We are here, more of us each day
Fighting for your lives
Just know
We are here.